White Helmet volunteer: 'Life in Aleppo is hell and getting worse, but leaving will be harder'

Syria Aleppo
Syrian residents, fleeing violence in the restive Bustan al-Qasr neighbourhood, arrive in Aleppo's Fardos neighbourhood on December 13, 2016 Credit: AFP

The bombing and shelling restarted on Wednesday morning. It is more intense than ever. All of us are trapped in three neighbourhoods, left waiting for leaders we don’t know and didn’t elect to make decisions about our fate.

We have no safe shelters, so civilians are in ordinary buildings or in the streets. It’s freezing and we have no heat. We are living in hell. 

All the White Helmets’ tools and equipment have been destroyed. We have not been able to perform any rescues today even though civilians are suffering so much. Knowing people need our help and not being able to give it is the hardest thing. 

Aleppo
Children flee into rebel-held areas of Aleppo Credit: Abdalrhman Ismail/Reuters

My last rescue operation was two days ago. I had a moment of joy when we saved a little baby boy - just 20 days old. We managed to save his mother but his father and three siblings died under the rubble. The baby is not safe yet, he needs medicine but there isn't any. He needs a father but now he has none. 

When I saw the little baby boy pulled from the rubble I thought of my own son, Laith, who is just 10 months old.

We had to flee our home four days ago when the Regime took over. We left everything behind, even Laith’s toys. Now he and my wife are sheltering close to the White Helmets centre.  I know I can run to them if the place gets attacked.  Laith needs vaccines and food. If I live it will be to look after him. 

Aleppo
Syrians walk over rubble of damaged buildings, while carrying their belongings, as they flee clashes between government forces and rebels Credit: Abdalrhman Ismail/Reuters

Whatever you see in the headlines, and whatever hell it is in this moment, I love Aleppo. I was born here. I studied here. I first fell in love here. I got married here. I watched my son be born here.

Aleppo is the home of our struggle for freedom and dignity, the most just of causes. I want my son to hear about it, I want him to fall in love with it, I want him to know the story of Aleppo as the university of our revolution.

I believe what is happening here has never happened anywhere, it is a mix of the best of humanity and the worst. 

I want to stay, to be the last person to leave Aleppo. As a White Helmet I have seen things that most people can not imagine: burning bodies, children suffering from chemical weapons, weeping mothers. I have lost friends and family members, but leaving Aleppo will be the hardest thing I have ever done. 

Wherever I end up I will keep being a White Helmet. Syria needs us. I believe in our mission and I believe in saving lives, not taking them. I hope one day my son will also be proud of my story. 

The author is a 27-year-old volunteer 

This article was first published in December 2016, during the battle for Aleppo

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